ALW’s Five Guys Q.6: My Best Friend

ALW’s Five Guys answer readers’ questions about the sometimes frustrating, sometimes confusing, always engrossing subject of modern relationships. Your questions will be kept anonymous, unless you wish them not to be. Ask your question here!

I fell in love with my best friend. It was the first same-sex relationship/dating-ship for either of us and came out of the blue. It was after a break-up with someone I was really in love with and neither of us were in a good place (depression, job difficulties, general unhappiness) and after six months of rockiness, I realized I was being unfair to both her and myself. I wasn’t ready to commit and I felt like the emotional attachment we had to one another was too intense. It got toxic and was unhealthy. It was more dependency than anything else, but six months on I’m still really struggling with it. We go back and forth between trying to be friends and not speaking, and even now it’s up and down almost every day. Even though we’re both moving on/trying to move on in new datingships, it’s hard when it’s your best friend and there are still feelings there. Hanging out is hard and not speaking is even harder. What should I do?

Hi there! Seems like quite the situation! It’s always hard to mix a friendship with a romantic relationship, especially with so many variables involved. I would suggest to take some time apart so you can each take care of yourselves and grow as individuals. Self-care is hard but necessary, and everyone requires something different. Take a meditation class, find your passion, or enroll in a new class doing something you like! Get yourself to a solid place and learn who you are (which can be and is fluid at this age!!). I take time each week to re-calibrate from a hectic, stressful, or emotional week; this will either be a walk around my neighborhood, a quick meditation session in my apartment, or a drinking a coffee in my favorite cafe. I really value time by myself to reassess how I’m doing and what I need for the next week. If you and your friend really value one another you’ll realize you need some time apart. After that, I think you two will be able to evaluate the friendship and begin to repair it once you are your best selves. ~ C

C is an art-loving, coffee-guzzling DC transplant with a knack for technology.