ALW’s Five Guys Q.1: Balance

ALW’s advice column panel of Five Guys answer readers’ questions about the sometimes frustrating, sometimes confusing, always engrossing subject of modern relationships. Your questions will be kept anonymous, unless you wish them not to be, and more importantly, this will be a safe space to work through your own concerns about relationships in the modern era. Ask your question here!

Hi!! I am a guy, 24 years old, and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend since last year after we graduated. Everything was going well. I’m in medical school and he is working full-time and we have been good about balancing everything else and dating.

Recently, he has not been very understanding about my school schedule, claiming that I have been putting him on the back burner. I always tell him well in advance when I can and can’t hang out, but he says that I’m doing it to distance myself and not as “the kind thing to do.”

I am not sure how to get across to him that our relationship is important when I am always transparent with him, but am also in school!

Hello! So first off, I would say that most concerns or relationship problems are in some way based in truth. You obviously care a lot about your relationship, or you wouldn’t have submitted this question, so I think the big issue is that you need a way to express that to your boyfriend. I can imagine the stress that you’re under at medical school, and your boyfriend is probably feeling a bit insecure in the relationship. It could be that his transition from University to adulting has been a bit more stressful than he imagined it would be. I would recommend taking, at a minimum, one night every month to really show him you are committed to this relationship as much as he is. Now you obviously know him well and what he likes, but date night is always a good choice. It really doesn’t need to break the bank, even something small can show him you care! ~ D

D is 23 years old and a recent graduate from college up in Boston. “I’m an openly gay man, with a passion for live music, photography, a good biergarten, and traveling!” Big thanks to D for being our first columnist this week and kicking off the Five Guys series 🙂

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